and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
