Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
