Buhtt sex?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude. I can hear the air.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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