Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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