Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
