i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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