ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
