Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
