Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
