Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
