we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
