I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Pooping to opera.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
