wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
