glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
