People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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