3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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