She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
