Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm too high and old for this...
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