Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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