I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize