I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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