So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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