I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
