Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
