Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want to be your penis for a week.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize