But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
