Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize