the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
