I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
