yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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