things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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