i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
