is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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