I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
