hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
