I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
