I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
