why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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