I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
