Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
