i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
