I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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