I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
