hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize