I wish life had little blips of pornography
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Damn victory sex feels great
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