my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
