i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
