i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
