My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
