its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
