I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
