Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
