Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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