The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
