Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
