She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
