if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
FUCK WHALES
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
