dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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