So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize