I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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