I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
