on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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