did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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