I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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