guys are only as good as the porn they watch
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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