i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
