Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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