why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
