It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
