If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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